Me and My Big Mouth

Father, we are so grateful to be your kids. And I pray that this morning we would have open hearts, open ears, and open mind. That we would hear the scriptures, we would hear you speak to us, and that you, through the Spirit, we give us grace to respond in a way that would be. Good for us, protective for us. And also glorifying you. We're your kids. Speak to us now, we pray in

Jesus' name and those who agreed said.

You know, I'd never put it into the hands of an untrained person. A gun. I've owned many guns over the years and I'm really a stickler for safety. I mean, you get me around somebody who points a pistol or a rifle indiscriminately unaware of the damage that he could do just with a squeeze, squeeze of his finger. I just can't stand it. I went to a place and was looking at a gun and it was at the counter and a guy who clearly was a novice was asked, he said, can I see that? That firearm, that pistol, and the guy handed it to him, opened it up and he said, wow, look at that, I'm standing right here. And I'm, I am really nervous, even though I know it's unloaded. I get it, you know, but I don't like it.

There are good uses for guns, and I'm really glad that we have guns to defend our country. I want law enforcement to have something more substantial than a ticket book to enforce the law. You ever watch those BBC things where you get the guys, you know, the British officers, police officers and, and they're not armed. I'm yelling at the TV, get a gun.

But you put a gun in the hands of the thoughtless, the untrained, even a malicious bad guy, and somebody is going to get really hurt. But what we would never do with a gun, we never give a second thought to another weapon. I mean, this morning I came armed. And so did you. And you can

guess with what. Your tongue.

Yep, your tongue is a weapon, you say? Oh, come on, Steve. No, no, no. Check out the power of your words. Why is your mouth, your tongue, so important? Well, because the tongue has the power of life and death.

WHY IS MY MOUTH SO IMPORTANT?

A. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:11)

Life and death. Really? Is that an overstatement? Do they? Do our tongues really have that much power? Well, apparently they do. In fact, Jesus himself placed supreme importance on our words, on our mouth, our tongue.

And he said  that our words reveal our hearts.

B. “Our words reveal our hearts.”

Matthew chapter 12:33-37. Jesus says it this way, he says. “Either make the tree good and the fruit good, or make the tree bad and the fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of Vipers. He's calling people snakes. How can you speak good when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment, this is Jesus speaking. People will give an account for every careless word they speak. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

That's a mouthful. So whatever else he means, he's teaching that our words

reveal our hearts. So if you intend to change your speech. If you're going to overhaul your mouth, you really need to work on your heart, because words only reveal what's really going on deep down inside. I react that way, too.

To put it more graphically. What's in the well of your heart is brought up in the bucket of your speech. So Jesus is telling us that the heart and the tongue are connected so that when you start hearing bad things tumble from a person's lips, bad things are sloshing around deep down inside. In fact, we should expect no different from Jesus who came to change us, not just just, you know, renovate us from the outside, but from the inside out, from the heart out.

The basic Christian message is not to clean up your own act. It isn't to do better or try harder. The basic Christian message starts with the assumption that we're broken people. Deeply broken. Something is deeply wrong with every one of us that we can't fix on ourselves. We've offended God, we've failed to live up to his perfect standards, and we need forgiveness and we need a new life. Not just a new start to try again, but something happening deep

down inside.

And that's what Jesus came to do. He came and purchased for us by the sacrifice of his own life. Forgiveness and new life. And so when we trust what Christ did personally for you and me. When it becomes personal to you when

you say you Jesus did that for me. And believe it. God Forgives us completely and forever. And graciously gives us a new and unending life through the gift of the Spirit of God. He begins to change us and shape us from the inside out, from the heart out. And one of the places that it shows up is in our mouths. And that's why God takes our words so seriously. So should we.

What is in the well of your heart

is brought up in a bucket of your speech.

C. If a person can control his mouth, he likely can control his life.

In fact, James 3:2 says this. “We all stumble in many ways.” Everybody agrees with that. And, “if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body. In other words, if a person can control his mouth, he likely can control his whole life. That's pretty startling. How important is the tongue? Well, if you gain control of your mouth, says the Scriptures. You'll probably be able to control the rest of your life. It is the ultimate test of self-control. You can harness your tongue. It means God is fully at work in your life. That's how important your words are. And the Bible is very clear as to the kinds of words we are to avoid and the kinds of words we

are to say. Now, we're not going to be able to say everything that we could say about words today, but I want to sample some of the kinds of things clearly that we're to avoid. I'm going to look at it generally. Then I'm going to get real specific. You write with me. Here we go.

II. Generally, what am I to avoid?

C. Avoid verbal Verbosity

1. The Passages: Proverbs 10:19, 17:27-28, 21:23

The first thing is we should avoid verbal verbosity. In other words, the quantity of our words, let me show you a couple of passages. Proverbs chapter 10:19. “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent or thoughtful.” The Living Bible paraphrases this way. It says, don't talk so much. You keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible and turn off the flow. I like that. Apparently the chance of seeing something stupid or hurtful is in direct proportion to the number of words we blab. Wise people

are quiet people. And quiet people look wise.

That's why later in Proverbs it says this. Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and has a cool spirit. Is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise. When he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. So you want to look wise. Just keep quiet. Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up. But if you want to look like a fool, just keep talking, because chances are eventually you're going to hit pay dirt.

President Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States, had a pretty good handle on his tongue. He was really well known as a man of very few words. Once he was at a dinner party. This lady comes up to him and says, actually says, you know, Mr. President, I have a bet with another woman that I can make you say more than 3 words. And he looked at her graciously and said, “You lose.” Famously, he was the one that said, “I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.” Wow!

2. The Point: Use speech carefully.

So Proverbs chapter 21:23, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” If the tongue is a weapon, one of the best things we can do to keep from hurting ourselves or other people is just to use it really carefully and to be deliberate and careful in what we say. So we need to try to keep our mouths closed, and we'll have a better chance of staying out of trouble. Here's the point. Here's the point first. Use speech carefully. You might even say sparingly, but carefully is really the idea. Did you know that the average person spends a third of his waking life talking? I know that's just an average, and all of us know some who make up for the quiet ones. We hear the admonition to use speech carefully. We think of those people that we know that can't quit talking. You know, the big mouth bobs, the chatty Cathys.

But each one of us ought to take it to heart because the Bible encourages us. Now talk less. Be careful. Don't open your mouth so quickly. Stop blabbing thoughtlessly. But God not only addresses the sheer quantity of our words, but the quality. And so he says. Avoid oral decay.

D. Avoid Oral Decay

1.  The Passage: Ephesians 4:29

So one of the favorite passages in this for us all is Ephesians 4:29.

I think we all should commit this to memory. I mean, it's pretty amazing. This is what it says. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. But only such is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.”

So let me just tear this apart. Let's break it down a little bit. Let no corrupting talk. What's corrupting? Well, the word is sapras, and it means what is rotten,

what is diseased, what is worthless. It describes decaying meat or spoiled fruit or fish that's gone bad. And so you know the fish stinks. The idea is not fit for human consumption. You consume it, it'll hurt you, it'll make you sick. You give it to others, it'll make them sick. It includes any destructive speech.

Corrupting speech can be profanity or gossip, or slander, or off colored stories, or lying, or swearing, or unjustified or malicious criticism. Whenever our words hurt more than help, they're worthless and corrupting. OK, so how strict are we going to get about this? Well, I don't know. Look at this. Let no, but only.

Apparently that means not even a trace. Not even once. Not even at a party, not even in passing or in jest. Whenever what we say tears down rather than builds up, it's never OK. Never, never, never. That's tough to do, but apparently God thinks it's our responsibility. Because it says let no corrupting talk come out. When you see “let” you know in our English version, it kind of feels like a suggestion, but it's not. Grammatically, that's a command as direct as thumping you on your chest. The phrase, do not let. come out pictures covering your mouth actually. Or clapping your hand over your mouth to stop words from tumbling out. It's like when you're about ready to sneeze or cough.

Why do I do that? Because I don't want to spread infection in the same way that word comes out. Pictures covering your mouth and verbally when you're tempted to let rotten words escape and impact others or pollute the air with verbal bad breath. When what I have to say is not helpful, not beneficial, not constructive, I should put my hand over my mouth and stop it.

And then OK, on the other hand, the positive side is it should be good for building up that it may give grace. So you think positively, will this be encouraging? Will it be helpful to the listener? Will it meet needs? Is it going to be instructive? Notice the standard is not, is this interesting? Is this fascinating?

Is it even funny? Before we speak, we ought to ask ourselves, OK, how will this benefit this person or express grace to them? How will it help them? How will it encourage them to follow and love the Lord or live in grace as a believer?

That's a good question. That's what should be the filter on our mouth. And notice what we say should fit the occasion. Is this the right time? Sometimes we have something we want to say to another person, but this is not the right time. Don't say it. Or is it the right place? I've been in situations where I got the right person here. I know what to say, but this isn't the right place to do it. They're people walking around.

OK. Is it the right person? Am I saying the right thing to the right person?

Maybe I shouldn't be saying it to them. Maybe I should go to the other person?

Is it going to be appropriate? When somebody is discouraged, I don't think that's the time to enumerate the 401 ways he could have done it better. But that's what we tend to do. So speak up when what you say will meet the

present needs and be appropriate and fit the occasion. Otherwise, don't.

2.  The point: Use speech constructively

Who is that idiot who glibly said sticks and stones may break my bones? You know the rest of it, but words will never hurt me. Really, really. I mean, has anybody ever spoken to you in such a way? So, you know, you shrivel up, you shrink away. It feels like you just got skewered by a sword. I know I have.

Somebody has said something at the wrong time in the wrong way. It's like being wounded deeply.

And the bruises and the bleeding from a verbal wound may be invisible, but they are very real. What you say, what I say, can either heal or hurt. It can encourage or cripple. Our tongues can be as easily wound as they can strengthen. Use speech constructively. You all. If you think about it, you all can remember a moment where somebody stood in front of you and spoke life to you. They encouraged you right at the right time. They reminded you. They loved you. They expressed something to you that helped you. Let's be that person.

III. SPECIFICALLY, WHEN SHOULD I SHUT UP?

B. When I have nothing helpful to say

1.  Gossip (Proverbs 18:8)

OK, let's get really specific. When should I shut up? I'm going to get a lot of people yelling at me after this, I'm pretty sure so. I'm going to address 4 very common troubling areas. When we have nothing helpful to say, there are four

kinds of words that we just need to stay away from.

These are not helpful #1 gossip. So what is gossip?

It's sharing detrimental information with somebody who's neither

 part of the problem nor part of the solution.

Proverbs 18:8, “The words of a whisperer like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body.” So you're listening to rumors and information about somebody or something and you swallow it.

It's true. Even though it may not be, you don't check it out. You just listen and go. Oh wow. Really. I didn't know that. And it's really interesting that in Proverbs, the word gossip usually refers not to an activity, but to a person.

Almost as if gossip once infecting the person, controls them and marks them from then on. It's kind of like a smoker or gambler or alcoholic. That's not somebody who casually indulges in the activity, but somebody who has been defined by it, marked by it.

President Teddy Roosevelt's socialite daughter Alice was reported to have said, “If you can't say something nice about someone don’t say anything at all.”

Come sit by me. No, Gossip refers to a person who tells tales, who spreads stories and rumors about others. In fact, the related word in Hebrew to gossip is marketplace. Probably picturing that gossip travels in morsels of information about other people. You know what I heard? Well, you know so and so was caught in the very act. I happen to know for a fact that. Not part of the problem, not part of the solution, but you're.

You're collecting information. If you find yourself gossiping, gently remind them that what they're sharing isn't for your ears. It's not appropriate.

Don't listen to it, certainly don't pass it on. And if they don't stop, leave.

2.  Slander (Lev. 19:16

Falsely accusing or misrepresenting another in order

to defame or damage their reputation

Like gossip but more intentional is slander. It's falsely accusing them.

They wanted to defame and damage Leviticus. Dipping into the Old Testament, Leviticus 19:16 says, “You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord.” The thing that sticks out there is not just don't, don't slander, but the last part is like, I am the Lord. In other words, he has to say I'm God. I'm telling you about this. Do not ever do this. Wow. OK. That's kind of underscoring it.

Slander is from the Hebrew word to whisper, to defame and to give an evil report. It originally meant to glide stealthily like a snake, a poisonous snake. One difference between gossip and slander is the intent to hurt. Gossips can

be foolish and unthinking, and you know, but a slanderer knows what he's doing. The gossip blabs indiscriminately, but the slanderer is targeting its

victim.

Gossip could be true, it's just not appropriate to tell other people you're talking to the wrong people. But a slanderer typically has just enough truth laced throughout it to make it seem plausible, but enough lies to make it hurtful. It can be a sordid story. It can be an incriminating incident. It can be an accusation that floats around but never gets checked out. It can be questioning motives and never really checking out the real reasons. Going to the person and saying were you thinking that it never happens? The slander talks to other people about it and says, well you know I believe the worst, don't you?

Slander lives because people tend to believe the worst of others and want to believe that. And God says. Don't you do that? Did you hear the oh that is so perfect come back next service. I want you to see it right then.

3. Sarcasm. What is sarcasm? (Prov. 9:7)

Sarcasm is a cutting and often satirical comment

designed to demean what is said and belittle

to another person.

It is a cutting and satirical comment. Proverbs 9:7, “Whoever corrects a scoffer. Or a mocker gets himself abuse, he reproves a wicked man incurs

injury.” So sarcasm is the native tongue of the scoffer.

He says the opposite of what he really thinks in order to hurt another person or make fun of what they said. You know, you tell them the truth. And he doesn't counter with reasonable arguments. He didn't ask questions, he just answered in a cutting and ironic way to mock and belittle you. Like, for instance, oh, you're so nice. Which means what? You're not nice. Or oh, you're so smart

with all those answers, which means. You're not so smart.

Well, it's not like you're ever late. Which means. Yeah. Wow, I'm sure

glad I married you. I've heard that.

Proverbs reminds us that the mouth of a scoffer reveals the heart of a fool.

Somebody who's lost the ability to listen and learn. Somebody whose humility has absolutely evaporated from his life. Someone who's no longer curious or gracious.

Don't be one. And don't be around one if you can help it because he's only going to hurt you and other people.

4. Grumbling (Numbers 14:27-29)

To grumble is to murmur or mutter in discontent.

You say, well, wait a minute, how bad can that be? Well, I don't know. In the Old Testament it says this. The Lord spoke to Moses into Aaron, saying, “How long shall this wicked congregation grumble against me.?”

I have heard that said. You can say it together with me. Of the people of Israel, which they against me say to them as I live, declares the Lord, What you have said in my hearing I will do to you, your dead body shall fall in this wilderness, and all of your number who have against me.

Well, that's just Old Testament stuff. No. James says do not.

Against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged. Behold, the judge is standing at the door. I think most of us think that a little grumbling is expected. It's no big deal. But you know, here's the problem with grumbling. Grumbling takes the conversation off the table. It's backroom discontent. It removes reason. It removes transparency from the discussion. It increases frustration and rebellion. When you and I grumble, we don't confront each other. We don't ask questions to clarify, We don't investigate to resolve anything. We just express our discontent and frustration, not to the ones with whom we are critical, but to side parties.

And so the infection spreads with no remedy. One of the junk, yeah, I was in the campus at birth. No, I can't believe what I said. That's Gremlin. You

hear grumbling. Encourage them to stop it or to seek resolution with the involved party. It kind of sounds like Jesus. Jesus says yeah, you go to the person that you have a problem with. Don't grumble.

Now this isn't a complete list. Gossip, slander, sarcasm and grumbling.

But it is a sampling of the rotten stuff that can ooze from our mouths. And in the next couple of weeks, we're going to touch on a few others. Lying is one of them. We just thought, oh, let's just take one whole sermon and talk about lying.

B. When I haven’t thought first

And criticism. But this morning, let's summarize.

When should I shut up? Well, not only when I have nothing to say, but when I haven't thought first. You know, one of my first jobs was as a radio announcer and on the wall next to the clock by the sound board was this huge sign that said engage brain before opening mouth. And I can't tell you how many

times that saved me. I was like. OK. Don't get caught not thinking.

Consider your ideas (Proverbs 15:2)

So consider your ideas. When you do open your mouth and you are going to say something, consider your ideas. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge. But the mouths of fools pour out folly. So a wise person contributes to and advances knowledge and understanding by what he says. When a fool opens his mouth, tests, foolishness spills out because wordiness is no substitute for wisdom. Some people talk a lot and they don't say very much.

And a fool gushes. Foolishness. Not not necessarily because he's stupid, but because he's just not thinking. He wants to be heard, but when he speaks without thinking, you know? I mean, we can just say stupid things.

You know. I found this and I wondered if I should share this. But I thought about it. In the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following were part of some of the transcripts of questions actually asked by attorneys of witnesses during trials. And you know, you sit there and you think, I don't think this guy was thinking so.

So the attorney says, now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Well, how about this one? He said. Actually, now, were you present when your picture was taken? Now you were there until the time you left, Is that right?

I love this one. I mean, there's a whole bunch of these, but.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? Well, and the answer is all my autopsies are performed on dead people.

OK, OK. Before you perform the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

No. Did you check for blood pressure? No. Did you check for breathing? No.

So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

No. Well, how can you be so sure, Doctor? Well, because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. But could the patient still have been alive nevertheless?

It is possible he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

You know, sometimes when we don't think we can say really foolish and stupid things. The problem is some of those foolish and stupid things can injure other people. Sometimes it's just funny, but they can really damage somebody. When we don't think, what comes out isn't always harmless.

And so we need to consider the impact of what we're going to say.

Proverbs 12:18, says it this way. “There's one whose rash words are like sword thrusts. But the tongue of the wise brings healing”

Will my words hurt? Or help. You know that word rash? I mean, you've heard people say, “Well, gee, I didn't even think about that.” Yeah, OK, that's rash.

Not thinking about it, being rash about what you said, that's no excuse. It still hurts. We all know people who have said kind of like, well, I say what's on my mind, it's just the way I am. And if people don't like it, tough. God doesn't like

it. How about that?

Too many times in counseling, I picked up the pieces of relationships that were

severely damaged by words which escaped a mouth in the heat of the moment. And I'm sure the other person always thought, were they just trying to injure me? Or did they get so angry and upset that they finally said what was always on their mind? You do that again, I'm getting a divorce. You can't

take that back. You know I never really loved you. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. Nobody really likes you. She only treats you nice because she feels sorry for you. You're a clown. You're a dork. Anybody who votes like

that is an idiot. We might have excused ourselves because we were trying to be funny or amusing or teasing or just we were just angry, but the fact is, you're injured. Like sword thrusts, your words skewered somebody. What do you say?

Let's be better than that. John Stott once observed, speech is a wonderful gift of God. It is one of our human capacities which reflect our likeness to God. For our God speaks, and like him, we also speak. Speech distinguishes us from animal creation. Cows can move, dogs bark, donkeys bray, pigs grunt, lambs bleat, lions roar, monkeys squeal, birds sing. But only human beings can speak. I mean, what a privilege it is to be able to speak, and what a responsibility as well.

The Phillips version of Ephesians chapter 5:4 says it this way. “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

The keynote of our conversation should not be nastiness or silliness or flippancy, but a sense of all that we owe to God. Like that? I can tell you.

Again and again, at crucial moments in my life, I've had people speak to me.

Has made all the difference.

So a couple of challenges this week #1 take inventory. What do you say we remember that words reflect our hearts? And we do this. He searched me, O God, and know my heart. Open your hearts to Jesus. Ask him to assess whatever he finds if you've hurt somebody with your mouth.

Just confess it to him, to Jesus. Receive his forgiveness, be cleansed. Let the burden be lifted. You might want to go to that person. And ask for their forgiveness too. Let's do some cleanup.

So take inventory and second manage your mouth. Let's determine that nothing this week comes out of our mouths unless it's constructive, unless it has the effect of giving grace to those who hear you. No toxic talk, only what encourages others and honors.

Jesus. Who's with me? Anybody want to do that this week? What do you say we pray?

Well, we really need your help, Lord, because left ourselves. We could be very damaging to ourselves and other people, but we want to be more like you.

We pray that our mouths will not be weapons. But instruments of good.

That they would convey grace and love and acceptance to other people.

Thank you for your forgiveness. For teaching and training us, I pray that the

Spirit of God would have full reign in our lives. And thank you for the scriptures that are so pointed to us. We see ourselves here. We are yours. And we pray in Jesus' name. And those who agreed said.